Toddlers and Tiaras and Judges (Or is Figure Skating Really a Sport)

I needed a self esteem boost last night so I watched Toddlers and Tiaras.  I always feel better about my parenting when I watch.  I have never cajloled    bribed my child to get on stage/practice/perform by feeding her cheetos and "dance candy" (sugar cubes).  I haven't spray tanned her, plucked her eyebrows, or any of the other crazy things I see on that show.  Last night's episode was particulary interesting in that none of the 3 featured girls won any of the big prizes.  It really was sad for the little girls.  I felt bad for them, and of the 3, only 1 mom said she was done with pageants.  She figured it out, any time your child is judged they can come up short.

It set me to thinking of the old argument Peter Pan and I have over figure skating.  He (like many people  men) refuses to see figure skating as a sport because of the judges.  His argument is simple, there is no accounting for personal preference and judges are inherently biased.  Football, basketball, baseball, track, swimming, golf and many other sports have definable parameters for winning.  You score more, run faster, hit the ball harder (i.e. home runs) etc.   To his eye there is no definite parameter for winning a skating competition.  And of course over the years he has sometimes been proven right.  Before you vilify Peter Pan for this opinion let me make it clear that he acknowledges the athleticism of figure skaters, in fact he can see that they are often amazing athletes.  He just feels like the entire "sport" is more of an art than athletic event.

Sure IJS is supposed to prevent that by providing a scoring structure (elements are worth a certain value and then judged on performance).  It has helped, but judges are still people and they have personal preferences.  Does a skater have a Russian coach and thus a more Russian style of jumping?  I have seen (and heard) judges take off points or criticize that.  I have looked at Belle's protocols at a competition and seen judges line up by geographic areas (northern vs. southern).  I have observed poor skating by a normally strong skater rated higher than fair skating by a new or unknown skater.  The judges are still people with personal preferences after all.  To be fair, I have never met a judge who was intent on doing wrong.  They are volunteers who take their judging jobs very seriously.  And who is to say that personal preference is a bad thing.

My argument back to Peter Pan has always been that there is a certain amount of judgement in any sport.  Umpires and referees make questionable, even bad calls.  In fact many of their calls are JUDGEMENTS of a particular set of events.  It can and does impact games!  He holds firm that there are still more definite ways of seeing a score (touchdowns, baskets, etc.) and thus it is not all judgement and we are back to  figure skating is not a sport!

I always thought that as Belle progressed Peter Pan would change his opinion and realize it is a sport.  Nope, he did see how dedicated figure skaters are, but if anything he more than ever remains critical of the judged aspects.   He has seen Belle passed over, underscored, and hurt by the whole thing.  Of course, this doesn't always happen, she has certainly had her successes, but I agree, it is hard to tell whether it was the actual skating or maybe just preference.  I am not talking about times when she got exactly what she earned but those times when we were surprised by the low scores or placement.

At the end of the day, I think that sometimes I have been like those moms on Toddlers and Tiaras.  No I haven't bribed my 3 year old with sugar ( I do see a lot of junk food in those hotel rooms at pageants!)  But I have allowed my child to put it out there and be judged.  I have criticized when I thought the judges were wrong (of course they were wrong, my child was definitely the best one!!)  Belle says she hates it when I start "getting all conspiracy theory"!  I of course don't see rationally about my own child, most parents don't.  I am trying to grow up, but I really do have a blind spot about my own kids! 

And for the record, I can sometimes see that figure skating is more an art than a sport, but I love it all the same!

What Is the Definitiion of Insane

How far is too far?  What is insane?  Are there limits to where, when and with who?  I am referring to searching for a skating partner.  It has been a painful journey.  As a parent you know that your child will graduate from high school and quite often will leave home for a good portion of the year at that time.  You give birth and sort of count on about 18 years with them full time.  So how are parents supposed to respond when their 15 year old starts asking to move away from home to pursue her dreams?  Is that ever okay?  I know many skating families who make decisions about training that impact their families.  We have friends who decided to split their family for most of the year so their daughter can train at a major training center full time.  She is a sixth grader.  Dad went with her, Mom and her little brother stayed here.  We have other friends who drive three hours each way to reach their training facility.  Often they stay for a couple of nights in a hotel.  So now you have added that expense to the already mind numbing cost of skating. 

The reality is that in order to be successful you need to be at a training center.  They offer more ice time, more on and off ice classes, and often have fitness facilities on sight.  I love our local rink, it is like family and they take good care of us!  I wouldn't trade that relationship for the world, but small, local rinks just can't compete because they are trying to balance hockey, figure skating and public sessions and make ends meet.  Usually a training facility has more than one surface of ice so multiple events can be occuring at the same time.  It is a whole different world.  Add to that the role models you find at a large training center and it just doesn't compare. 

Here's the rub, obviously not every skater is destined to be an Olympian, or even make it out of Regionals.  Last year my beautiful and amazing daughter had the lowest score in her qualifying round, and as far as I know the lowest score at our regionals at her level.  I can defend her somewhat by letting you know she was injured and had a broken skate boot (hastily repaired enough to make it through one last competition) but the reality is she isn't on the top of the list as a singles competitor.  This really limits her as a pairs skater in the long run as well because they have to jump, her weakness.  Would a different training venue have made a big difference?  That is the million dollar question. 

On to the partner search.  She knows that jumps are not her strongest element.  She knows she is a beautiful and artistic skater, with great partnering skills.  That means ice dancing is a great option.  Our rink has NO ice dancing coach at all.  So now a move is more than just a pipe dream to pursue, it is a necessity if she wants to become an ice dancer.  She had a tryout in Tulsa, OK last summer.  It went really well, but it was too far from home.  She wasn't ready for the distance and I wasn't either.  When we went for the tryout I prayed that God would let us know what we should do, and it was clear- go home.  Now we have received requests from Spokane, WA; Philadelphia, PA; and believe it or not  Belgium.  So how far is to far?  Am I insane for considering any of them?  Should she just wait a year and a half till she graduates?  I don't know the answers to any of those questions.  I am trying to set up times for her to get to the tryouts in the states.  She and I have both decided Belgium is too far. 

I am fairly certain that all of this crossed the line into insane about a year ago when we first realized that her partner would be moving to Delaware.  We were considering the options and she was headed there too.  Maybe that was the right path and we missed it?  I could second guess all of this, all the way back to the day I let her go to a public session with our neighbor and the brownie troop.  Sometimes I wish that I had sent her to the mall instead. 

Why

So I have a confession to make, I am not at all athletic.  I didn't do any sports in high school, I don't do anything now.  I think about it, a lot.  My sister runs/walks and does 5k's 10k's and even half marathons and marathons.  I did have a really brief burst of fitness right after I graduated from college, before I got married and had kids.  It wasn't bad, the exercise, but then I had kids and a husband and a job and 2 dogs ...  Somehow life just got in the way.  So what did I do, tried to raise athletic kids.  We started when they were in preschool.  Gymnastics, ballet,  t-ball (personally I thought t-ball was the most fun to watch).  As they got older it got more serious, football, basketball, coach pitch, soccer, jazz, tap, more gymnastics, figure skating, cross country, track.  At some point it overcame me. 

Don't get me wrong, I love that I have sporting children, but being a sports mom is an all consuming lifestyle.  It has sucked the life out of my life.  So here I sit, overweight and out of shape.  I am a middleaged fountain of information about college recruitment, how to buy good running shoes, where the best orthopedic doc in the area is and where to go for physical therapy, how to fit figure skates, where to get a good deal on a competition dress, how to find a skating partner (or not as the case may be).  I have been a team mom, coach, board member, volunteer.  I have donated food, time, participated in fund raisers (candles, cookies, coupon books, wrapping paper, cart-wheel a thons), bought coaches gifts, gone to banquets, traveled with the team, cheered, cried, screamed.  You name it, I have done it.  Want to know how to deal with Spondiololythesis?  Done that, bed rest by the way.  How do you handle a broken sole on a cleat 2 weeks before the end of the football season?  Duct tape.  Best friend got the last small uniform at Cross Country leaving only mediums which your child looks ridiculous in?  Safety pins.  I even understand how skating is judged and scored.

So here is where sports mom insanity has brought me, I have 2 children who are 18 (well he will be 19 on Sunday) and 16.   My oldest son is playing football at a NCAA division 1AA college and is hoping to earn some scholarship money this year.  He was red shirted last season as a freshman, but has made really good progress with the team.  This is the same kid who was so little on his first football team that he had to be taped into the uniform- there were none small enough for him.  My 16 year old daughter is a runner and figure skater.  She has been to the US Junior Championships 3 times as a pairs skater but through a fairly traumatic series of events lost her partner (to another skater/coach, not anything traumatic to him).  This has opened a whole new area of insane sports mom life -partner search.  When she says "there's this boy" it has a whole different meaning.   She is also a runner and that keeps us all busy.  Fortunately she got her driver's license this year so I can take on more tutoring clients to help pay for all the sports bills!

So why write about it?  To document my own insanity I guess.  Maybe to reassure myself that I am not really insane.   Hopefully some young mother will read it and find a better path.  Then again has my path been so awful?  At the end of the day would I do it again?  You betcha.