Thursday is my really, really long day. I work all day and then I have 3 children that I tutor. It keeps me going until late. Just as I was finishing my first tutoring session yesterday my phone rang. It was my son. As I was still talking with the lovely lady who pays me for my time I declined to answer at that moment. So that just means call back, right? The issue is that for some wierd reason his phone doesn't receive any calls at VMI. It works when he is home, in fact as soon as we get about 20 miles from VMI it will ring, but it doesn't there. So now I start worrying. He never calls on a weekday before 8 at night unless something is wrong. I dialed back, knowing there would be no answer. 1 voicemail and text later and just as I pulled into the driveway of my next tutoring client my phone rang. Thankfully it was him. I immediately checked to see if he was allright. "Yeah, but where's Dad?" was his response. Sadly, Dad had managed to throw out his back at work and had been sent home with muscle relaxers. Dad was blissfully sleeping in a comfortable, warm bed. He was oblivious to the world. "What do you need?" I continued, anticipating some problem, hoping it wasn't a male related thing I couldn't deal with. "The Celtics traded Kendrick Perkins....." At this point he began a bit of a rant. When he finally paused to breathe I wasn't sure how to respond. On the one hand I never want to discourage conversation, he is not a particularly conversational kid. However, I was now sitting in the driveway of my next client's house and I needed to be inside. Plus, I was a little peeved that I was worried something was really wrong. I told him that Dad was down for the count, I was tutoring and I was sorry the Celtics management were idiots. Then I also told him to please not call and send me into a panic, especially when it was just about the Celtics, during my workday again and told him I loved him. I am glad he wanted to talk, but this was definitely a Dad conversation. I am not a totally insane sports Mom. Later I felt guilty that I hadn't reacted differently, it was really important to him. I think it was a really dumb trade, but what do I know. When I tried to explain it all to Dad later (he is okay, and went back to work today) I couldn't even remember the names of the players that were traded.
Interestingly, I started this post before school today and sure enough my phone rang at 3:30. "Where's Dad?" It was like deja vu. This time I was able to explain that since it was still the middle of the work day for normal people Dad was at work. He called 2 more times, but happily he finally reached Dad. They had a great conversation. Now if I can just get him to remove the lovely words from his facebook page...
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
What Is the Definitiion of Insane
How far is too far? What is insane? Are there limits to where, when and with who? I am referring to searching for a skating partner. It has been a painful journey. As a parent you know that your child will graduate from high school and quite often will leave home for a good portion of the year at that time. You give birth and sort of count on about 18 years with them full time. So how are parents supposed to respond when their 15 year old starts asking to move away from home to pursue her dreams? Is that ever okay? I know many skating families who make decisions about training that impact their families. We have friends who decided to split their family for most of the year so their daughter can train at a major training center full time. She is a sixth grader. Dad went with her, Mom and her little brother stayed here. We have other friends who drive three hours each way to reach their training facility. Often they stay for a couple of nights in a hotel. So now you have added that expense to the already mind numbing cost of skating.
The reality is that in order to be successful you need to be at a training center. They offer more ice time, more on and off ice classes, and often have fitness facilities on sight. I love our local rink, it is like family and they take good care of us! I wouldn't trade that relationship for the world, but small, local rinks just can't compete because they are trying to balance hockey, figure skating and public sessions and make ends meet. Usually a training facility has more than one surface of ice so multiple events can be occuring at the same time. It is a whole different world. Add to that the role models you find at a large training center and it just doesn't compare.
Here's the rub, obviously not every skater is destined to be an Olympian, or even make it out of Regionals. Last year my beautiful and amazing daughter had the lowest score in her qualifying round, and as far as I know the lowest score at our regionals at her level. I can defend her somewhat by letting you know she was injured and had a broken skate boot (hastily repaired enough to make it through one last competition) but the reality is she isn't on the top of the list as a singles competitor. This really limits her as a pairs skater in the long run as well because they have to jump, her weakness. Would a different training venue have made a big difference? That is the million dollar question.
On to the partner search. She knows that jumps are not her strongest element. She knows she is a beautiful and artistic skater, with great partnering skills. That means ice dancing is a great option. Our rink has NO ice dancing coach at all. So now a move is more than just a pipe dream to pursue, it is a necessity if she wants to become an ice dancer. She had a tryout in Tulsa, OK last summer. It went really well, but it was too far from home. She wasn't ready for the distance and I wasn't either. When we went for the tryout I prayed that God would let us know what we should do, and it was clear- go home. Now we have received requests from Spokane, WA; Philadelphia, PA; and believe it or not Belgium. So how far is to far? Am I insane for considering any of them? Should she just wait a year and a half till she graduates? I don't know the answers to any of those questions. I am trying to set up times for her to get to the tryouts in the states. She and I have both decided Belgium is too far.
I am fairly certain that all of this crossed the line into insane about a year ago when we first realized that her partner would be moving to Delaware. We were considering the options and she was headed there too. Maybe that was the right path and we missed it? I could second guess all of this, all the way back to the day I let her go to a public session with our neighbor and the brownie troop. Sometimes I wish that I had sent her to the mall instead.
The reality is that in order to be successful you need to be at a training center. They offer more ice time, more on and off ice classes, and often have fitness facilities on sight. I love our local rink, it is like family and they take good care of us! I wouldn't trade that relationship for the world, but small, local rinks just can't compete because they are trying to balance hockey, figure skating and public sessions and make ends meet. Usually a training facility has more than one surface of ice so multiple events can be occuring at the same time. It is a whole different world. Add to that the role models you find at a large training center and it just doesn't compare.
Here's the rub, obviously not every skater is destined to be an Olympian, or even make it out of Regionals. Last year my beautiful and amazing daughter had the lowest score in her qualifying round, and as far as I know the lowest score at our regionals at her level. I can defend her somewhat by letting you know she was injured and had a broken skate boot (hastily repaired enough to make it through one last competition) but the reality is she isn't on the top of the list as a singles competitor. This really limits her as a pairs skater in the long run as well because they have to jump, her weakness. Would a different training venue have made a big difference? That is the million dollar question.
On to the partner search. She knows that jumps are not her strongest element. She knows she is a beautiful and artistic skater, with great partnering skills. That means ice dancing is a great option. Our rink has NO ice dancing coach at all. So now a move is more than just a pipe dream to pursue, it is a necessity if she wants to become an ice dancer. She had a tryout in Tulsa, OK last summer. It went really well, but it was too far from home. She wasn't ready for the distance and I wasn't either. When we went for the tryout I prayed that God would let us know what we should do, and it was clear- go home. Now we have received requests from Spokane, WA; Philadelphia, PA; and believe it or not Belgium. So how far is to far? Am I insane for considering any of them? Should she just wait a year and a half till she graduates? I don't know the answers to any of those questions. I am trying to set up times for her to get to the tryouts in the states. She and I have both decided Belgium is too far.
I am fairly certain that all of this crossed the line into insane about a year ago when we first realized that her partner would be moving to Delaware. We were considering the options and she was headed there too. Maybe that was the right path and we missed it? I could second guess all of this, all the way back to the day I let her go to a public session with our neighbor and the brownie troop. Sometimes I wish that I had sent her to the mall instead.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
What Can I Say?
Well, it has been an eventful couple of days. Thursday night was the live event, Rise, at the movie theater. We had a great time and it was an inspiring and amazing movie. I didn't cry nearly as much as I thought I would, but I walked away marveling at the inspiration of the 1961 world team. So of course yesterday I was tired from having been up late on Thursday. I did get my registration pages typed and alphabetized and turned over to a board member for the competition this weekend. I was pretty proud of that accomplishment!
There was a brief time Wednesday when it seemed impossible to finish, but hey just put Toddlers and Tiaras on and I can do anything. It makes me feel better about my insane sports mom self; at least I'm not a pageant mom! I mean I have never forced my child to have her eyebrows waxed even though she was screaming, and I have never forced her to get a spray tan or wear false teeth because she was missing a few. I just let her get up at 4 AM when she was 9 years old to go to the ice rink, but hey that was for sports.
Anyway, I am getting off the topic. Last night I was in my pajamas at 7:30, digging into a delicious plate of leftovers when the phone rang. It was my son. I was surprised because he had already called me once this week, during Toddlers and Tiaras actually. He wanted food, he wanted me to mail a box of snacks because he was hungry. So I was not expecting another call so soon. This time he wanted to come home for the weekend. Could we come get him? Fortunately at VMI he isn't allowed to leave until Saturday mornings, so we did get to continue relaxing last night, but he said he didn't feel well. In other words, "I want my Mom!"
Well home he came. I was cleaning his room- he left it a mess when he went back to school in January and I felt bad he was coming home to a mess. My husband made the 7 hour round trip to get him. It was obvious that he wasn't well. He was burning up, but could I find the thermometer? Nope, no thermometer in sight. I tried some Tylenol, but he said his head and throat hurt. Off we trekked to the urgent care. He tested negative for strep and flu, so it is just a virus. I also had to bum out on helping out at the competiton which did make me feel a tad guilty. Only a tad though, because my son comes first! I don't think they really needed me and my daughter was helping out and said she would cover for me.
Now I am feeling guilty, not because I missed out on helping, but because I really am so relieved I didn't have to go in the rink at all. Like I said it is the first time she isn't competing and I think it is the first time I haven't been on the board during the competition. I really didn't want to be a part of it, it was sort of too sad for me. Not that I planned for a marathon waiting room stay at the urgent care-that was not particularly fun either. I just am sort of relieved that I didn't have just go in and be ordinary during the competition. However, I don't really want to be any more than ordinary either. I love the club, but I have done my time. Regardless of what goes on with partner tryouts, college choices, and the many decisions of the next couple of years my daughter will be moving on in just over a year. It is time for someone else to take hold of the reins and guide. But you know that feeling when you have been holding onto the reins for so long and your hands feel wierd and sort of tingly when you let go? That is what I think I am getting. It is much harder to actually hand over control- see I am back to the big c word again. Do you see a theme here? Well, tingly or not, I made it through without a competitor, without helping, and without a total breakdown! Now to make it through the 7 hour round trip back to VMI to drop sick cadet back off tomorrow.
There was a brief time Wednesday when it seemed impossible to finish, but hey just put Toddlers and Tiaras on and I can do anything. It makes me feel better about my insane sports mom self; at least I'm not a pageant mom! I mean I have never forced my child to have her eyebrows waxed even though she was screaming, and I have never forced her to get a spray tan or wear false teeth because she was missing a few. I just let her get up at 4 AM when she was 9 years old to go to the ice rink, but hey that was for sports.
Anyway, I am getting off the topic. Last night I was in my pajamas at 7:30, digging into a delicious plate of leftovers when the phone rang. It was my son. I was surprised because he had already called me once this week, during Toddlers and Tiaras actually. He wanted food, he wanted me to mail a box of snacks because he was hungry. So I was not expecting another call so soon. This time he wanted to come home for the weekend. Could we come get him? Fortunately at VMI he isn't allowed to leave until Saturday mornings, so we did get to continue relaxing last night, but he said he didn't feel well. In other words, "I want my Mom!"
Well home he came. I was cleaning his room- he left it a mess when he went back to school in January and I felt bad he was coming home to a mess. My husband made the 7 hour round trip to get him. It was obvious that he wasn't well. He was burning up, but could I find the thermometer? Nope, no thermometer in sight. I tried some Tylenol, but he said his head and throat hurt. Off we trekked to the urgent care. He tested negative for strep and flu, so it is just a virus. I also had to bum out on helping out at the competiton which did make me feel a tad guilty. Only a tad though, because my son comes first! I don't think they really needed me and my daughter was helping out and said she would cover for me.
Now I am feeling guilty, not because I missed out on helping, but because I really am so relieved I didn't have to go in the rink at all. Like I said it is the first time she isn't competing and I think it is the first time I haven't been on the board during the competition. I really didn't want to be a part of it, it was sort of too sad for me. Not that I planned for a marathon waiting room stay at the urgent care-that was not particularly fun either. I just am sort of relieved that I didn't have just go in and be ordinary during the competition. However, I don't really want to be any more than ordinary either. I love the club, but I have done my time. Regardless of what goes on with partner tryouts, college choices, and the many decisions of the next couple of years my daughter will be moving on in just over a year. It is time for someone else to take hold of the reins and guide. But you know that feeling when you have been holding onto the reins for so long and your hands feel wierd and sort of tingly when you let go? That is what I think I am getting. It is much harder to actually hand over control- see I am back to the big c word again. Do you see a theme here? Well, tingly or not, I made it through without a competitor, without helping, and without a total breakdown! Now to make it through the 7 hour round trip back to VMI to drop sick cadet back off tomorrow.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Time to start planning and praying!
So, VMI (where my son goes to school and plays football, or should that be the other way: plays football and goes to school) finally published next year's schedule. http://www.vmikeydets.com/ViewArticle.dbml?SPSID=43765&SPID=3895&DB_OEM_ID=9800&ATCLID=205095976 It looks pretty good. 5 home games is awesome! One game in Richmond and one at Liberty are also really great. Akron is going to be a long drive! So will The Citadel and Coastal Carolina. But hey, 4 far away games out of 11 isn't bad. I guess I should go ahead and make kennel reservations for the dogs (I always tell them they are going for a "spa" weekend). I am excited. If all goes as planned we will be traveling to see all those away games. It will be a truly fun and exciting fall. At this point with the seniors who are leaving it looks like he will at least be on the second string so he will play quite a bit. I am excited for that. And extremely nervous. After all he has already gotten one of the worst injuries of his career at practice, I can't imagine what it will be like actually out there playing. There are some really big guys on college football teams, really big. Not that my son is little, but I am talking scary big: 6'7" and over 325 pounds. In my opinion that is really two people. I have to say that it will take a lot out of me to see him take that pounding on a regular basis. If he really gets hurt I am going down to the field, I have seen other parents do it at VMI games!
Overall football doesn't scare me too much. I have seen many worse injuries on the basketball court and at the ice rink. However, it only takes one bad hit to really do damage. I think most recently of Eric LeGrand from Rutgers University who was paralyzed in a game last year. http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/2011/01/06/2011-01-06_eric_legrand_paralyzed_rutgers_football_player_regains_full_sensation_throughout.html He made one small mistake, one bad hit and that is it. Game over. So I sit in the stands and pray for all the players on both teams. I pray that the conditioning coaches have done their jobs and the coaches have trained them well. Then you have to hope that God takes care of them all. This is after all what my child has worked for and dreamed about since middle school. So far God has provided, I have to trust he has it all in his hands, but remember I am a control freak, insane sports mom, so pray for me too!
Overall football doesn't scare me too much. I have seen many worse injuries on the basketball court and at the ice rink. However, it only takes one bad hit to really do damage. I think most recently of Eric LeGrand from Rutgers University who was paralyzed in a game last year. http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/2011/01/06/2011-01-06_eric_legrand_paralyzed_rutgers_football_player_regains_full_sensation_throughout.html He made one small mistake, one bad hit and that is it. Game over. So I sit in the stands and pray for all the players on both teams. I pray that the conditioning coaches have done their jobs and the coaches have trained them well. Then you have to hope that God takes care of them all. This is after all what my child has worked for and dreamed about since middle school. So far God has provided, I have to trust he has it all in his hands, but remember I am a control freak, insane sports mom, so pray for me too!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
And the drama goes on...
So US Figure Skating is airing a one time theater showing of Rise (http://www.rise1961.com/) telling the story of the 1961 US team that was killed in a plane crash on their way to the world championships. It is a big event in the skating world. Since our competition is this weekend and the movie is Thursday a few of our judges are arriving in time to go see it here. I have made arrangements to take one to the theater with my daughter and I Thursday night. In my excitement about going to see it I have asked a couple of other friends to go as well including... the ex-partner's mom. Now, I am still friends with her. We have been friends for a long time and have been through a lot. I get why they made the decisions that they did, I probably would have done the same thing in their position. I want to still be friends. It isn't as easy for my daughter. It is painful, which I didn't stop to think about. Add another item to the list of sports mom screw ups! In any case I think we have worked it out by adding one of her skating friends to the mix so she has someone her own age to talk with and hang out with. Besides, as she informed me when we were in Greensboro for the US Skating Championships a couple of weekends ago, "No offense mom, but it is sort of boring to hang out with you all day." That sort of brings me back to yesterday's post about letting go, but it still isn't easy. This is why I have dogs I guess. They always want and need you!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentines Day!
Happy Valentines Day! It isn't a traditionally sporting holiday but our skating club puts on a competition every year around Valentines day. Somehow I have managed to volunteer to type all the registration forms for the event (around 100) and even though I swore I wouldn't, I will be there Saturday playing music. I dug my feet in and said, I will not go, until someone called and said come. I am so tough! In any case it is sort of depressing because my skater will not be competiting- her choice, and fine with me, but still sad. I am not sure how I will feel seeing everyone else ready to compete. We will be making our annual trek to the Orthopedic doc tomorrow- the trainer at school thinks she may have a stress fracture in her hip. I didn't even know that could happen. In any case she can't run until we get it checked out by the doc. She didn't make her 4:00 AM wake up call today either due to computer malfunction last night. She had just finished a huge project when her lap top crashed losing it. She had to stay up till almost midnight recreating it so I said no morning ice- oh but tell the coach I will pay him for the lesson time anyway. That sort of brings me sarcastically back to Happy Valentines Day!
On a happier note, my football player almost made it onto the "wall of fame" in the weight room for doing pull ups (something about them being leg assisted which I don't get at all). He is not a pull up guy, he is a lineman, extremely large and while he is strong he just doesn't pull up well so this was a huge achievement for him. He was very happy, thus I am very happy. I can tell he is getting excited for Spring training. He is ready to shine. Even though he was red shirted he was doing a great job at practice until he had a severe ankle injury at the end of October. Rehab was long, tedious, and aside from getting him out of some school committments, very boring for him. He is ready to go at it again. I have to admit that college sports, while more exciting in many ways, leaves much less opportunity for me to be "insane" Sports Mom. I am not involved at all in the whole thing. It is all him. There is no fundraising, no banquets, no team mom, no one asks for cookies or sandwiches or oranges. I feel really disconnnected from it all. At the same time we have had several instances of getting to go in to school events first, and of course we get complimentary tickets to games so I have also felt sort of like a "rock star" sometimes. I realize I am raising the children to go out into the world on their own, but it is harder to let go than I thought it would be. Maybe the real definition of insane Sports Mom is control freak.
On a happier note, my football player almost made it onto the "wall of fame" in the weight room for doing pull ups (something about them being leg assisted which I don't get at all). He is not a pull up guy, he is a lineman, extremely large and while he is strong he just doesn't pull up well so this was a huge achievement for him. He was very happy, thus I am very happy. I can tell he is getting excited for Spring training. He is ready to shine. Even though he was red shirted he was doing a great job at practice until he had a severe ankle injury at the end of October. Rehab was long, tedious, and aside from getting him out of some school committments, very boring for him. He is ready to go at it again. I have to admit that college sports, while more exciting in many ways, leaves much less opportunity for me to be "insane" Sports Mom. I am not involved at all in the whole thing. It is all him. There is no fundraising, no banquets, no team mom, no one asks for cookies or sandwiches or oranges. I feel really disconnnected from it all. At the same time we have had several instances of getting to go in to school events first, and of course we get complimentary tickets to games so I have also felt sort of like a "rock star" sometimes. I realize I am raising the children to go out into the world on their own, but it is harder to let go than I thought it would be. Maybe the real definition of insane Sports Mom is control freak.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Sports Drama, or Breaking Up is Hard on Everyone!
So this has not been the best of weekends. I am realizing that the insanity of being a sports mom has more impact on my family than I thought. I knew that the ending of my daughters skating partnership was incredibly hard on her, but I didn't realize that it had been devastating to all of us. My husband let me know just how devastating it has been yesterday and we had a rough emotional day. Just writing it makes it sound trivial and sort of crazy (remember "insane Sports Mom") but it is anything but. It has been like a divorce or a death. That sounds really dramatic, but it has been. Now I am left wondering what is the next step? Is it time to give up on skating? I am okay with that, my daughter isn't. Do we let her move away from home at 16 to pursue this dream? Is that also insane? I want an "easy" button, but there are none to be had. In any case we move on through this drama and hope for the best.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Why
So I have a confession to make, I am not at all athletic. I didn't do any sports in high school, I don't do anything now. I think about it, a lot. My sister runs/walks and does 5k's 10k's and even half marathons and marathons. I did have a really brief burst of fitness right after I graduated from college, before I got married and had kids. It wasn't bad, the exercise, but then I had kids and a husband and a job and 2 dogs ... Somehow life just got in the way. So what did I do, tried to raise athletic kids. We started when they were in preschool. Gymnastics, ballet, t-ball (personally I thought t-ball was the most fun to watch). As they got older it got more serious, football, basketball, coach pitch, soccer, jazz, tap, more gymnastics, figure skating, cross country, track. At some point it overcame me.
Don't get me wrong, I love that I have sporting children, but being a sports mom is an all consuming lifestyle. It has sucked the life out of my life. So here I sit, overweight and out of shape. I am a middleaged fountain of information about college recruitment, how to buy good running shoes, where the best orthopedic doc in the area is and where to go for physical therapy, how to fit figure skates, where to get a good deal on a competition dress, how to find a skating partner (or not as the case may be). I have been a team mom, coach, board member, volunteer. I have donated food, time, participated in fund raisers (candles, cookies, coupon books, wrapping paper, cart-wheel a thons), bought coaches gifts, gone to banquets, traveled with the team, cheered, cried, screamed. You name it, I have done it. Want to know how to deal with Spondiololythesis? Done that, bed rest by the way. How do you handle a broken sole on a cleat 2 weeks before the end of the football season? Duct tape. Best friend got the last small uniform at Cross Country leaving only mediums which your child looks ridiculous in? Safety pins. I even understand how skating is judged and scored.
So here is where sports mom insanity has brought me, I have 2 children who are 18 (well he will be 19 on Sunday) and 16. My oldest son is playing football at a NCAA division 1AA college and is hoping to earn some scholarship money this year. He was red shirted last season as a freshman, but has made really good progress with the team. This is the same kid who was so little on his first football team that he had to be taped into the uniform- there were none small enough for him. My 16 year old daughter is a runner and figure skater. She has been to the US Junior Championships 3 times as a pairs skater but through a fairly traumatic series of events lost her partner (to another skater/coach, not anything traumatic to him). This has opened a whole new area of insane sports mom life -partner search. When she says "there's this boy" it has a whole different meaning. She is also a runner and that keeps us all busy. Fortunately she got her driver's license this year so I can take on more tutoring clients to help pay for all the sports bills!
So why write about it? To document my own insanity I guess. Maybe to reassure myself that I am not really insane. Hopefully some young mother will read it and find a better path. Then again has my path been so awful? At the end of the day would I do it again? You betcha.
Don't get me wrong, I love that I have sporting children, but being a sports mom is an all consuming lifestyle. It has sucked the life out of my life. So here I sit, overweight and out of shape. I am a middleaged fountain of information about college recruitment, how to buy good running shoes, where the best orthopedic doc in the area is and where to go for physical therapy, how to fit figure skates, where to get a good deal on a competition dress, how to find a skating partner (or not as the case may be). I have been a team mom, coach, board member, volunteer. I have donated food, time, participated in fund raisers (candles, cookies, coupon books, wrapping paper, cart-wheel a thons), bought coaches gifts, gone to banquets, traveled with the team, cheered, cried, screamed. You name it, I have done it. Want to know how to deal with Spondiololythesis? Done that, bed rest by the way. How do you handle a broken sole on a cleat 2 weeks before the end of the football season? Duct tape. Best friend got the last small uniform at Cross Country leaving only mediums which your child looks ridiculous in? Safety pins. I even understand how skating is judged and scored.
So here is where sports mom insanity has brought me, I have 2 children who are 18 (well he will be 19 on Sunday) and 16. My oldest son is playing football at a NCAA division 1AA college and is hoping to earn some scholarship money this year. He was red shirted last season as a freshman, but has made really good progress with the team. This is the same kid who was so little on his first football team that he had to be taped into the uniform- there were none small enough for him. My 16 year old daughter is a runner and figure skater. She has been to the US Junior Championships 3 times as a pairs skater but through a fairly traumatic series of events lost her partner (to another skater/coach, not anything traumatic to him). This has opened a whole new area of insane sports mom life -partner search. When she says "there's this boy" it has a whole different meaning. She is also a runner and that keeps us all busy. Fortunately she got her driver's license this year so I can take on more tutoring clients to help pay for all the sports bills!
So why write about it? To document my own insanity I guess. Maybe to reassure myself that I am not really insane. Hopefully some young mother will read it and find a better path. Then again has my path been so awful? At the end of the day would I do it again? You betcha.
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